Tales of the Human Walrus by Peter “The Mordo” Juan

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A letter to my Beer Belly

May 19, 2008

My dearest Beer Belly,

It’s been nearly a decade since you showed up and since then, you’ve grown to become a really big part of my life. I remember at one point, when I tipped the scales at a whoping 230 pounds, I endearingly called you my ab. While I knew I had to lose you at some point, it was always easier to just keep you and not be ashamed of you and embrace you as part of who I am. I mean, you are quite literally a part of me, right? As such, I started to use the moniker, "The Human Walrus" both because I’ve always been a fairly strong swimmer and the fact that because of you my dear beer belly, I looked pretty much like a walrus when I was in the water. Sometimes, I even depended on you to keep me grounded. Whenever I found myself complaining about something, I would look down at you and realize that while I may not have everything that I want, I am still a lot better off. There were many people in the world who were starving for one reason or another. You were always there to remind me that I still lived in excess and I should be grateful for that.

Me and Beer Belly in Boracay

As my 30th birthday looms ever closer however, I knew that I could not keep you for much longer, at least not without serious consequences to my health. So I started taking steps to get rid of you. I bought me a set of weights and tried my best to eat healthy. I took every opportunity burn off calories. I park farther from my office building not only to save on parking fees but more to force myself to take those few extra steps every day. Trips to the beach found me swimming hard instead of lazing around the shore hunting for camel toes and nip slips. The effort paid off to some degree. By the time this year started I was down to 200 pounds. It was then that I decided to lose you completely before I turn thirty. I sought to lose another 30 pounds. It was at this point that you became stubborn. The past five months have been a tug of war, with my weight yo-yoing crazily. I am currently at 190 pounds. With less than a month to go before my self imposed deadline, it seems clear that you will win this round. I do not resent you for sticking around a little longer though. I know now that at some point, as long as I keep my resolve, I can live without you. It might even be possible that once I’ve moved on, I can trade you, my dear ab, for a pack of six smaller and tighter ones. I know, looking at myself now that it seems quite unlikely but hey, I can dream can’t I? So my dear Beer Belly, while we shared some good times, I am still very much determined to say good bye to you once and for all. I hope you can accept that and make this process easier for both of us. Thank you for understanding.

Sincerely,

Peter "The Mordo" Juan

Posted by peterjuan at 11:21 am | permalink

Previous Comments

the last time I tried to write such a harsh note to one of my body parts, he refused to get up for a week.

Posted by thegreatest at May 20, 2008, 2:25 am

Go Pete go! I’m proud of you for sticking it to your flab.

Posted by Noelle De Guzman at May 20, 2008, 7:38 am

LOL. This means giving up beer you know.

Posted by ozy at May 20, 2008, 1:36 pm

Now I’ll be left behind!

Posted by Ade at May 20, 2008, 4:13 pm

@thegreatest, Well, I would never write a letter to that body part, specially not a letter that involves getting rid of it or at the very least reducing its size.
.
@Noelle, Thanks for the encouragement iha. I wish I had the time to go boxing again. That’s great cardio right there. I’m afraid to try out bodyjam, mostly the name sounds like an accident.
.
@Ozy, Not really. I believe I can cut down a bit as long as I exercise regularly.
.
@Ade, No worries man. You get your healthy share of wimmins through your rockstar appeal.

Posted by Peter "The mordo" Juan at May 21, 2008, 3:03 pm

Good for you! Stay healthy, man.

Posted by kimmy at May 24, 2008, 6:42 am

I hope you’ll be able to defeat your Beer Belly. I know he is a pretty tough opponent but I believe that victory will be yours. Good luck!

Posted by Louis at May 25, 2008, 8:43 pm

40 pounds?!? That’s a lot!

And here I am, tickled pink at the fact that I lost 4 pounds…

Anyweyz, a pound is a pound. And for you, my dear sir walrus, Kudos!

Posted by van at May 27, 2008, 3:51 pm

did your beer belly, by any chance, write you back?… kidding

Posted by siu at May 31, 2008, 11:58 pm

@Kimmy and Luis, thanks for cheering me on. It does help you know.
.
@Van, that’s true. A pound lost is a pound lost. And it took me over a year to lose 40lbs. The last few pounds will take even longer to lose it seems.
.
@Siu, Nope. The beer belly has been giving me the silent treatment.

Posted by Peter "The Mordo" Juan at June 4, 2008, 11:31 pm

huh? what beer belly? *searches for her glasses*

all the luck in the world mr.walrus!

Posted by chillicheesecai at June 5, 2008, 2:22 pm

Hey CCC. What time is it? It’s BOLAHAN TIME! Thanks though. I appreciate the flattery. Take care!

Posted by Peter "The Mordo" Juan at June 5, 2008, 3:59 pm

Hello Peter! musta na po… nakakatuwa naman ang entry mo… si beer belly…. =) miss you all….

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A letter to my Beer Belly

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